They all told me it wouldn’t last, why marry someone so awful? Do i want to REALLY be with someone who hurts me FOREVER?
I was young okay, so lets not judge too quickly. He was also the father to my child. So, as some rebellious, wanting to prove-your-parents-wrong kid, I eloped at 19. Yes, I said it, 19. And it was at the court-house of ALL places. So, the BIG, fairy-tale, country, sunset, sunflowers & roses, diy decor, lots of hanging lights on a white tent, father walking me down the aisle, wedding I had dreamed of since playing barbies, washed down the drain, with each side of our families contesting this marriage.
NOBODY, and I mean, NOBODY, wanted this wedding to happen…. And I couldn’t understand why, until now. Until enrolling into therapy and digging deep. Until understanding his 11 years of abuse had made me numb to feeling something of value. Until, the day finally came, almost like my tears washed away the fog that had drifted over the behavior i once allowed, and made my vision clear. And I realized MY LIFE MATTERS!
To understand why I celebrate my divorce, you have to understand the back story to it.
I met “M” when i was 15. I was always feisty, quick to put you in your place over matters i was passionate about, but also quick to love, quick to trust, QUICK TO FORGIVE.
I remember from my child-hood, what an abusive relationship looked like, having seen it all my life. But one thing I wasn’t aware of, ABUSE DOESN’T JUST START OUT WITH HITTING.
That’s what I truly thought, abuse starts out with your partner hitting you. And my naive self always said, “If a man ever hits me, i’m out”, not truly understanding the layers of abuse it takes before it succumbs to hitting.